


This Emptiness

by epikvip1007



Category: Madtown (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7804141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epikvip1007/pseuds/epikvip1007





	1. Sunsets and Cloudy Skies

Jonghwa stood in the front with Jaeyoung’s family. Her parents hands were intertwined, her mother’s face buried in her father’s chest. Jonghwa’s head was hanging, his bangs falling in front of his eyes to hide the redness. His own hands were clasped firmly together, so tightly his knuckles were turning white. The coffin was lowered into the ground and slowly covered up, the dark mahogany wood disappearing. Distant relatives and friends came up to her parents and younger brother, Jaeho, offering their condolences. Some of them came up to Jonghwa, but he refused to speak. Slowly, the crowd thinned and left only her immediate family, Jonghwa, and a few of his friends. He didn’t move from in front of the newly turned plot of soil. His eyes burning holes into the grave stone. Jaeyoung’s parents approached Jonghwa and Mr. Song placing a hand on his shoulder. They felt his pain just the same and didn’t try to talk. There was an understanding silence between them in the moments before they walked back to their car and drove off. Jaeho, Juhyeon, and Sangbae were the last ones left, aside from Jonghwa.   
“Is he going to be okay?” Jaeho asked Juhyeon and Sangbae.   
“Yeah, it’ll take a while though…” Sangbae drifted off as he replied, his eyes panning to where Jonghwa stood.   
“We should just leave him alone for now.” Juhyeong said, pulling Jaeho towards their car. “You coming hyung?” He turned to ask Sangbae as he and Jaeho walked away.  
“No, I’m gonna stay here for a little.” Sangbae didn’t turn to look at Juhyeon as he replied to the younger. He walked up to Jonghwa and laid down on the grass, looking up at the graying clouds.   
“You should go home.” Jonghwa finally spoke up, his voice hoarse.   
“So should you.” Sangbae countered. Jonghwa let out a choked sigh and fell to his knees. Sangbae immediately sat up and moved closer to his friend. He rubbed circles on Jonghwa’s back as he cried.   
This was a mistake. It was a mistake to bury her here. It’s too much. Jonghwa thought.   
“You can see the ocean from here.” Sangbae said, hoping to distract Jonghwa just a little bit.  
“That’s why I picked this place, back then.” Jonghwa managed to get out. His voice shook and there was a pressure in his throat and an even greater pressure in his chest.  
“Oh…” Sangbae fell silent, realizing he wasn’t helping.   
“Please, just go home. I don’t need a babysitter.” With a sigh, Sangbae got up. He kept looking back at Jonghwa as he walked to his car at the end of the hill. Jonghwa sat back so he was fully sitting in the grass and buried his face in his hands. 

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

“Oppa!” Jaeyoung shouted as two hands came from behind her and covered her eyes. She felt his chest vibrate as he laughed, moving his arms so that they circled her shoulders. She brought her hands up to hold onto his forearms as she leaned back into his broad chest.   
“Hi.” Jonghwa said into her ear. She laughed before turning around and properly hugging him, burying her face in his chest. He smelled like coconut body wash. “Ready to go?” He asked, pulling away to look at Jaeyoung.  
“Yep.” She smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling and her smile brighter than the stars.  
He drove out of Seoul, confusing Jaeyoung. She didn’t question it though, she trusted Jonghwa and instead just leaned back in the passenger seat and looked out the window at the scenery. They arrived just out of Incheon at a large hilly field.   
“What is this?” She asked as they got out of the car.  
“A surprise.” Jonghwa flashed a mischievous smile and took her hand, leading her up one of the hills. Once they reached the top they sat down under the most shaded area, treetops covering the couple. As they sat down, Jonghwa pointed out towards the distance and watched Jaeyoung as her eyes followed his finger. She could see the ocean and the lights of Incheon airport as planes flew in and out. Her mouth fell open as the sun started setting and the sky turned different shades of red, orange, and a little purple. She rested her head on Jonghwa’s shoulder and continued staring at the beautiful scene in front of her. Jonghwa continued staring at the head of brown hair currently propped up on his shoulder. He settled his head on top of Jaeyoung’s and looked out at the sky with her.   
“This is the most beautiful view I think I’ve ever seen.” Jaeyoung finally said.  
“I’m glad you like it.” He smiled to himself, glad he made Jaeyoung so happy. She lifted her head off of his shoulder and brought her hand up to the back of his neck, pulling his head down to kiss him.

~~~~~End~~~~~  
Jonghwa looked up at the sky and saw nothing but gray clouds and dark skies. A final tear rolled down his cheek before he stood up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.


	2. Picking Up The Pieces

It was only a few days after the funeral when Sangbae brought some friends over to Jonghwa’s apartment to check up on him. However, they buzzed and buzzed but he wouldn’t answer the door. Kyungtak kept buzzing, hoping that maybe if they annoyed him enough he would open the door, while Sangbae pulled out his phone to call Jonghwa. Hoejun just stood by the door with his hood up and his arms crossed, leaning on the door.  
“Yah! Lee Jonghwa! Answer the door!” Sangbae yelled into his phone.   
“He answered?” Kyungtak asked, looking up with hopeful eyes.  
“No…” Sangbae sighed and texted Jonghwa multiple all caps messages with an angry emoji for good measure. “Yah! This punk, he left me on read.” While Sangbae furiously typed into his phone, Heojun pulled out his keys and went to unlock the front door.  
“Hoejun! You had keys this whole time?” Kyungtak shouted. Sangbae looked like he was about to punch Heojun for not unlocking the door in the first place.   
“You even have the apartment key?!” Sangbae was near furious now. 1. Why didn’t Hoejun just unlock the door before all the frustrated calls? 2. Why does Hoejun even have keys to Jonghwa’s apartment? All questions that he could wait to get answers to as Hoejun pushed open the door and revealed a mess of an apartment. Jonghwa was passed out on the couch with furniture littering the room. The table was flipped on its side, the chairs were scattered, only one still upright and intact. The three ran into the apartment and to the couch. Jonghwa’s head turned to the side, assuring them that he was not dead.  
“Go away.” He dismissed them with a wave of his hand and turned to hide into the corner of the pillows.  
“You’re a mess dude. Come on, we gotta get you and this apartment fixed up.” Kyungtak went to throw away some of the take out containers in the kitchen while Heojun turned the table right side up. Sangbae just walked over the the couch and knelt in front of Jonghwa.  
“Dude, you have to get your shit together. Breaking stuff isn’t going to fix anything. In fact it does the exact opposite.” But he was talking to a wall. Jonghwa didn’t talk much as it was, he was always on the quiet side, but this was a different quiet. “Come on, at least say something. You have to talk to someone at some point. We’re here for you.” Sangbae lowered his voice a little, trying to sound as comforting as possible.   
“You have to eat a proper meal. This isn’t like you. You always eat healthy and you’re always making sure everyone else has eaten.” Kyungtak said as he cleaned through the kitchen. Heojun gestured to the bedroom from out of Jonghwa’s line of sight. Kyungtak moved his position in the kitchen so that he could see what Hoejun was gesturing to and saw the bedroom looking spotless. It was like a tornado had blown through the apartment and missed that one room.   
“I’m going to make some coffee.” Kyungtak announced. Heojun went to help him and was met with Sangbae. The trio talked in low voices about how to get Jonghwa out of the worst of this slump. They hadn’t even noticed him get up and sit at the table. When they turned around they were shocked to see Jonghwa slouched in a chair.   
“Guess we don’t need to convince him anymore.” Hoejun whispered to Sangbae. Kyungtak put the coffee pot in the middle of the table and brought over a slightly broken chair, it was missing the back but the seat was still functional. Sangbae and Hoejun pulled over some stools to sit on and they sat in a heavy silence. The three friends had their eyes on Jonghwa the whole time, gauging his feelings. Jonghwa looked up from his mug and looked around the table, eyeing his friends. They averted their eyes and mumbled something about the weather being nice while they went back to drinking their coffee. The door buzzed and all four looked up. Jonghwa got up to check who was at the door and saw Jaeho standing at the front door. He let him in and waited in the doorway for his guest.   
“Who is it?” Sangbae asked hesitantly.   
“Jaeho.” Hoejun replied. Sangbae replied with a glare, more confused why Heojun knew all of this stuff and he didn’t.   
“We should go then, let them talk.” Kyungtak slowly got up and gestured for the other two to do the same. Reluctantly, they agreed to leave and waved goodbye to Jonghwa as they passed him and Jaeho at the door. Jaeho walked into the still messy apartment and slouched into one of the chairs in the living room. Jonghwa took a seat on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. There was a silence for a while before Jaeho spoke up.  
“Do you still see her? Like around…” Jaeho’s voice was small and he had trouble looking at Jonghwa.  
“Of course I do. Everywhere.” Jonghwa let out a defeated laugh as he continued. “Sometimes I think I hear her walking around in the morning. I-It’s…” For the millionth time he broke down again. Jaeho moved to sit next to Jonghwa.  
“I know. I miss her a lot too. I can’t stop thinking about when we were kids.” He looked down at his hands and closed his eyes, trying not to cry. “I- I can’t image what you or my parents are feeling.” At the mention of her parents Jonghwa felt another pang of pain in his chest. The Songs were such a warm and kind family. When Jaeyoung first introduced him to her parents, they embraced him like he was their long lost son. And Jaeho was always there laughing with them and joking around.   
“She was kind of perfect wasn’t she?” Jaeho asked, rubbing his eyes with his hand.  
Jonghwa let out an empty laugh, remembering all the times he spent around her family. “Yeah… She was.” 

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

“Did you get the flowers?” Jaeyoung asked from the bathroom. She was putting on light makeup and was finishing up when she called out to Jonghwa.   
“Yeah. They’re on the table.” He stood in front of the mirror in their room and straightened his tie. Jaeyoung came out from the bathroom and kissed Jonghwa on the cheek.   
“I can’t believe he’s graduating high school. It’s like yesterday he was stumbling around our living room asking for ‘mama’” Jaeyoung hugged Jonghwa’s waist and reminisced about her younger brother.   
“We’re going to be late, come on.” He hugged her back and pulled their bodies towards the door.   
They sat with her parents and brother at a nice restaurant. There were other families from his high school there too, all celebrating the next step in their children's’ lives. When Jonghwa and Jaeyoung first started going out, Jaeho was only in his first year of high school. Her parents looked so proud of Jaeho. They were smiling non stop for the whole day and couldn’t stop telling strangers that their boy had just graduated. Jaeyoung was no less excited, she was teasing her brother and laughing and joking around like they were little kids again. Jonghwa just watched the family interact, feeling like he was on the outside looking in. He didn’t mind it though, it was actually one of his favorite things. Jaeyoung was always more natural around her family as opposed to their friends. It was the first time he had thought he wanted a family like this of his own. 

~~~~~End~~~~~

“Do you want to come over for dinner?” Jaeho asked, shaking Jonghwa out of his own thoughts.   
“A-are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden.” The thought of facing Jaeyoung’s parents in their dining room without her made his chest feel tight. He had spent time with them alone before, but it was never for very long and Jaeyoung was always just a room or two away.   
“You shouldn’t be alone, it’s not good to mourn by yourself.” Jaeho sounded like the hyung now, taking on a wiser and more mature tone. “Come on, it’ll be good for all of us.” Jaeho pulled Jonghwa up and towards the door. He got a call once they got outside and stepped aside to take it. It was his mom.  
“Jaeho where are you?” She asked on the other line.  
“I’m at Jonghwa-hyung’s apartment. He’s coming over for dinner.” Jaeho hadn’t asked his parents before hand if Jonghwa could come for dinner but it was too late now.  
“What? Jaeho, I- I can’t look him in the eyes. It’s too soon. Just come home and -”   
“I already invited him, it’ll be fine. We’ll be there soon.” He ended the call and walked over to Jonghwa.  
“You didn’t tell your parents?” He said as Jaeho approached. The younger nervously messed with his hair and shook his head. Jonghwa sighed but walked to his car and opened the passenger side for Jaeho. He drove the familiar route to his parents’ house and tried to prepare himself for seeing Mr and Mrs Song. Jaeho unlocked the door to the small house and let Jonghwa in. He slipped his shoes off and walked into the main room. As he went to bow to the Songs, Mrs. Song covered her mouth and sped over to hug him. Jaeho walked in behind Jonghwa and greeted his parents.   
“Oh my baby. Are you doing okay?” Mrs. Song coddled. She held the sides of Jonghwa’s face and hugged him again.   
“Honey you’re strangling him. Give him some room to breathe.” Mr. Song interrupted.  
“Aigoo, come on let’s eat dinner. Have you eaten?” She was talking fast as she pushed Jonghwa and Jaeho into the dining room. They sat around the table, Jonghwa unconsciously going to sit where he always sat - across from Jaeho, two seats to the right of Mr. Song, who sat at the head of the table. There was an empty seat between Jonghwa and Mr. Song, the place where Jaeyoung should be. They all stopped their small talk for a moment and stared at the empty seat. Jonghwa uncomfortably shifted over so that he was in her seat. Slowly, the four of them managed to open up and talk their feelings out with each other.


	3. Letting Go

The next day Jonghwa got back to his apartment and looked around. He had really made a mess. He was cleaning up, one room at a time. There was a lot that needed fixing or replacing but it was okay. He didn’t feel as completely lost and empty inside anymore. At one point Sangbae called and invited himself over. The two of them finished cleaning up the apartment and sat down on the couch.

“So… Why does Hoejun have a key to your apartment?” Sangbae asked suddenly.   
“Huh? Oh, I gave him keys back in college.” Jonghwa replied casually.  
“Oh, okay.” Sangbae seemed unsatisfied with that answer but let the topic go. “This place looks a lot better now.”  
“Yeah, thanks for helping.” Jonghwa looked around with a sort of sadness in his eyes.   
“Oh, right! I found this while we were cleaning.” Sangbae pulled a slightly torn picture out of his pocket and handed it to Jonghwa. It was a picture of Jonghwa and Jaeyoung after Jaeho’s graduation. Jaeho stood in the middle of the two of them in a cap and gown, the biggest smiles on all of their faces. Jonghwa smiled, but it was a melancholy smile. When everything was happier. He thought to himself.   
“Shit. I have to go, Daewon just texted and said Kyungtak got locked out of the apartment. This idiot never remembers to bring his keys.” Sangbae frowned at his phone and shook his head.   
“Okay. I have to go back to work tomorrow so call before if you’re stopping by.” Jonghwa walked Sangbae to the door and waved goodbye to his friend. Work. How am I going to go back there now without Jaeyoung? He had taken a week off from both his jobs. He taught judo at the elementary school that Jaeyoung worked at during the afternoons in addition to teaching it at his gym on the weekends. He let out a shaky breath and went to get a small dinner prepared.   
It felt good to get out of the apartment for once. Jonghwa hadn’t really left his apartment since the funeral but once he got out it felt good. He decided to take the subway to the school instead of driving. He had to get back into the world after isolating himself for so long. Jonghwa got to the school thirty minutes before the first bell rang and set his gym bag down in the locker room. He changed into athletic clothes and put some mats out on the gym floor. Soon the bell rang to signal the start of homeroom and then first period. Jonghwa checked the schedule he had in his small office and sighed when he saw he didn’t have a class until third period.   
By the time the bell rang for third period to start Jonghwa had checked his phone and emails about a thousand times. He put his phone away and got a clipboard to take attendance. The students took a few minutes to change but soon the gym was filled with chatter. Jonghwa blew a whistle and all attention turned to him.  
“Lee-seonsaengnim! We made you a card!” The class president announced after raising her hand.  
“Oh, that’s really nice. Why don’t you give it to me after class though?” He smiled politely and thanked his students. They nodded back and class started. After some stretches, they paired up and Jonghwa ran them through some drills. Soon the period had ended and the class went back into the locker rooms to get changed. The class president came running out of the locker room to give Jonghwa the card the class had made and then went running back to get to the next class before the late bell. Jonghwa flipped the card open before the next class came in and read through it.  
“Seonsaengnim! Why are you crying?” A student asked. They had gotten to class earlier than everyone else and walked into the gym to see Jonghwa tearing up.  
“Huh? Oh, Hanbyul-ah. Nothing, the last class just made me a card and it made me emotional. Don’t tell anyone else though, okay? Gotta keep my image.” Jonghwa put the card away and tried to smile for the next class. It was touching to see how the students really cared about Jaeyoung and Jonghwa.   
After school ended Jonghwa went home, had something to eat and got in his car. He had a small collection of cards that he wanted to take to Jaeyoung’s grave. When he got to the hill, there was another car parked and he saw a figure standing up at the top. It was Jaeho.  
“What are you doing here? Don’t you have college classes or something?” Jonghwa asked quietly as he approached.   
“Hm? Oh, they ended earlier today. What are those?” Jaeho asked, pointed at the cards.   
“Some of her students are in my judo class and they made cards. I thought she would want to see them.” There was a small pocket next to the grave stone for flowers. Jonghwa set the cards in the small space with the flowers that Jaeho had brought and the two stood next to each other in silence for a while. The sun slowly descended from the sky and the air got a little colder. Jonghwa pulled a ring out of his pocket and watched the sun reflect off the small stone in the middle.  
“I was going to propose to her. Before the accident.” Jonghwa said softly. Jaeho looked over slightly shocked and stared at the ring. Jonghwa set it down with the cards and flowers and sat back on his ankles for a moment.  
“I love you Jaeyoung.” He whispered as the sun slowly dipped behind the hill. Jaeho looked down and smiled, glad that he was able to meet Jonghwa. He took a few steps back before turning around and walking to his car, leaving Jonghwa alone on the hill. 

"Jonghwa... Don't cry anymore... I'm still with you..." A voice whispered out of nowhere. Jonghwa looked up and blinked, trying to make sense of what he saw. Jaeyoung stood in front of him in a flowing skirt and top, the wind blowing back her hair. He got up and stared back, amazed. This can't be real. I'm seeing things. He thought. He reached out a hand but the image evaporated under his touch.

"I'll always love you."


End file.
